A lover’s eulogy

Spoken poetry by Lovella Chris Palma

It was crowded… so many faceless figures walking past…

In the middle of a busy street, the silence in my mind was deafening.

Color… all over, all sorts of balloons and flowers

but all I see was black and white.

I wanted to scream from the pain but I was numb…

from the huge hole in my chest.

Emptiness…

The empty seat across me in the restaurant

where you used to sit staring at me and telling me

how beautiful I look in my dress.

The blank sheets of paper where you use to draw my face

The silent mobile phone where you used to send long messages of love and care.

My hand, empty and cold by the absence of the warmth of yours…

The empty space next to me… where you used to be

They said “be strong”, but how can I be strong if the only one that gives me strength is gone?

They said “move on”, but how can I if all my dreams can only be fulfilled by us, together?

They said “it’s okay”, but how can I be okay of you are not here with me?

They said, I will find someone better but how can I if you are the best for me.

We made dreams together.

We planned to make a life together.

We gave each other all that we can…

We promised forever to each otherbut why am I standing here alone?

I still remember your smile, when your eyes would get so small I often wonder if you could still see.

I still remember your laugh, it was like a song, melodic music to my ears.

I still remember the warmth of your embrace, in your arms is my safest place. I still remember your eyes, full of love whenever you look at me.

But I will forget…

I will forget the numbing feeling I got when I heard the news…

I will forget the screaming pain of seeing you there, lifeless…

I will forget how I didn’t recognize the man I love from all the blood…

I will forget the hate I felt for the drunk man who drove his car one night and crash into yours…

I will forget how I spent so many days and nights crying, hoping that all of this is just a nightmare.

That I will wake up and you will make this pain go away with just a hug and a soft kiss.

That we will still get to have our happy ever after… our forever

But I will always remember how much I loved you and how much you showed your love for me while you were still breathing.

Don’t worry my love…You fulfilled your promise…that you will love me till your last breath.

Whilst standing here alone… in front of your tombstone.

I know whenever I look up, I’ll know you are at a better place.

Wait for me my love… when my time is over.

I will see you there and we will be together again this time, forever.

A letter to the first man I ever loved

Dearest Tatay,

Thank you for holding my hand when I was learning to walk and for never letting go until I was able to stand on my own two feet. You have guided my every step and nudged me toward the paths which you think is best for me. But you always let me choose which ones to take. Thank you for giving me the freedom to be whoever I wanted to be. Thank you for always cheering me on. I know I am your weirdest, most unique child and I am very happy that you embrace who I am… Oddities and all.

Thank you for always smiling at me. Your teeth may be crooked but that beaming smile always make me feel cherished, and adored. Thank you for always making me feel like the most beautiful youngest daughter in the world (without bias and even though everyone knows I look like you). Thank you for working hard to provide for our family. You are my idol and my inspiration. You have not only provided us material things but also the most important stuff – life lessons.The stories you always tell us about your life, struggles, and success will always serve as a reminder and a lesson for me. These had taught me how to value everything I have and to work hard for everything I want in life.

In your profession, you have inspired and helped a lot of people which I admire the most. I have witnessed some of these little miracle you do with other people. Your heart may be run by a machine but it could never deny the size of love your heart contains. I just want to let you know I am very proud and thankful I am for having you as role model.

Most of all, thank you for being you. You are not the perfect father because you are human. You made your own path, made mistakes, and you learned valuable lessons from them. No matter how imperfect you are, you are still the best father for me and I will always love you. No matter how old I get, I will always be your little bunso. I love you so much, my Tatay.

Your bunso